Buying Pants

My sister and I have this saying – a saying we have used for a long time.  It goes a little something like this:

“It’s like buying pants.  You can’t force it.”

I am guessing most of you know what I mean.  Pants are tough.  Truth be told, it really doesn’t matter what kind of pants we are talking about.  Dress pants, work pants, yoga pants, jeans…it’s pretty much the same experience.  Ninety-nine point nine percent of them don’t fit right.  They’re too bunchy or too short or too big in the waist while at the same time too small in the thighs or too stupid looking or Jesus something is wrong with every pair of pants I try on today.  Honestly, what is the deal with pants?

And you see, when you set out to buy pants, you really have to go to a zen place.  You have to let the universe take over and guide you to your pants destination.  Because even though you might really really really want/need/can’t live another day without a new pair of black pants, sometimes the universe just doesn’t agree.  And if you force it – well, we all know what happens.  You buy the pants, and you might even spend too much on them.  And then the first time you wear them, you know.  I shouldn’t have bought these fucking pants.  They don’t even fit right.  They are giving me a muffin top. I hate them.  And then maybe you let them hang in your closet for a year or two, and then you finally give them to Goodwill.  Let somebody else have these stupid, ill-fitting, unattractive, over-priced goddamn pants.  Enough already. Am I right?  Can I get an amen?

So really, it has become our metaphor for life, and I was reminded of it again just today.  I was in the middle of a whole stupid thing, and I thought, “You know what?  This feels like buying pants. I can’t force it.”  Which is really to say, I could force it if I wanted to but it wouldn’t work out anyway.  This is one of those things that I know for sure.

Because the truth is, when the time is right the stars will align.  You probably won’t even be looking for pants, but it won’t matter.  The clouds will part, and the sun will cast a light in just the right way, and the pants you have been looking for will be right there in front of you.  Right there in front of you, and on sale.  And that my friends, is when you know everything is just as it should be.  With pants, and with life.


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